You don't have an ugly underside, Kylie.

Your pain is real for you, and that is all that matters. Anybody whom you share that pain with, hasn't walked one meter in your shoes, and is therefore unable to feel YOUR reality. Reality is never absolute, but always subjective. That's one thing I learned from my Zen studies. Which makes me sound awfully philosophic, which I'm not. Maybe after a glass of Spanish Red, but, anyway, the lesson I learned was to respect the inner world of other people as THEIR reality. That makes empathy with them much easier and much more natural. Maybe you suggest that to the less-understanding loved one of yours?

I can only hope that the cause of your PTSD is not what it sounds to me, because if it is, then I would certainly not have any empathy for the perpetrator.