That sounds really stressful. If it's any consolation, it is a good sign, because you are evolving. The same happens to me when I read my posts of last year. Now it's so much better. So, concentrate on your first chapter, and then come to an end, and send it off. You can rest assured, that even if they don't accept it (yet) it's not because you didn't give it your very best.

I still keep my fingers crossed (though today I had to uncross them during our Saturday bike ride. The cornering is a bit difficult with crossed fingers.